Thursday, July 21, 2011

Writing a Verse

"Dumb As a Hammer" needs at least one more short verse. Thought I might as well work on it here as in Word.

Waiting for a meeting of playwrights, director, and stage manager yesterday afternoon at BYU, I had a minute to think in the sculpture garden just south of the Museum of Art and came up with an "arrow" image.

Make me blind as an arrow from your bow. (string?) on your string.
Make me smooth, swift, and simple--like a sparrow, let me sing. (Do they?)
Make me true, smooth, and simple--like an arrow, let me sing.
Let me fly through the heart of (?) from/with your fingers on the string.
...let me sing
through the sky, blind and eager for the sting. (strong. too strong?) Sings good!
bring / king / three-syllable "ing" like happening (obedience word or rejoicing word)


Make me blind as an arrow on your string.
Make me true, smooth, and simple--like an arrow, let me sing
Through the sky, blind and eager for the sting.

["Sharp" might be easier to take than "blind." But "blind" is closer to "dumb," and that's the desire.]

Will the violence of the verses be mitigated or qualified by the Isaiah's peace imagery in the chorus? I need to sing this for somebody. Blogmate, what do you think?

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